I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
