Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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