It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
