There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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