best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
