I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize