So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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