Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drake has all the answers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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