and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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