I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
