Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
