I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
this hospital has no fireball
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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