I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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