We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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