how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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