At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
