I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
