I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
