is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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