i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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