We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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