drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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