just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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