i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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