After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hippo gnu deer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
