What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
