R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
