I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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