Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
