On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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