i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
