they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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