Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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