she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
