hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
