3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
