Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
