WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
