dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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