Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
