I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there is glitter all over my balls
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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