she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are the jesus of drinking
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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