youre lurking in front of me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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