it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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