I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize