I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
