Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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