I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
