I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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