at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
