This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
