mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
