i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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