If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this is an emotional support booty call
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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