you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
