The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
