Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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