Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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