my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
