I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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