9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
