Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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