playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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