I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My cat gives me a boner
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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