If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
