i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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